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Happy Holidays
✖ THE MALL
Ⅰ. THE REASON FOR THE SEASON
Boy, wasn’t November exciting? How about those Black Friday deals, huh? Hope you’ve had fun camping out in furniture stores! You can of course continue to bunk there, but the High Temple is also open to all Travelers again this month if you’d rather sleep there. Don’t forget to stock up on items that could fit inside your Traveler bag - this is the perfect time to get that fancy moisturizer you’ve been missing, some books, or maybe a copy of the hot new video game Bonestorm!
As December rolls in, you’ll notice that there’s even MORE holiday cheer to be found! Pressing in on all sides of you! Suffocating you! Or maybe you’re one of those people who just lives for carols and huge plastic evergreens decked out in tinsel and lights, in which case you’re going to be thrilled!
There are indeed plenty of those aforementioned trees throughout the mall, alongside wire and light reindeer, glowing stars, and oversized novelty gift boxes. If you have keen eyes you’ll notice that hidden throughout the mall are dozens of small, creepy elves with dead vacant eyes. They don’t do anything. They just… watch.
Who on earth could they be reporting to?
Ⅱ. HE SEES YOU WHEN YOU’RE SLEEPING
At the center of the mall concourse there is now a miniature village set up, themed entirely in ice and snow and candy. At the center of this plastic paradise is a lavishly decorated chair, and in front of it a camera. At times marked clearly on a schedule at the village gate you can wait in line behind a red velvet rope for your turn to see him.
Who? Well. That depends.
In many worlds, there is a benevolent figure who appears in December, bearing gifts for all the good children. Santa is the most likely person you’ll find sitting on that big chair, ho-ho-hoing and looking as kind and jolly as any creature possibly could.
Maybe you’re from somewhere without a Santa Claus, but with some other equivalent. In that case, you might see what you’re familiar with instead!
Regardless of his exact form, the figure who beckons you to sit beside him has only one concern: have you been nice?
Niceness is subjective, but if you’ve managed it you will be rewarded. With a twinkle in his eye, the Non-Denominational Mall Figure will reach into his magic bag and pull out a gift, JUST for you! What could it be?!
Oh, and don’t forget to smile for the photo! You may pick it up in half an hour once it is developed.
But if you’ve been naughty, or if you sneak over to that chair during the OFF hours? In that case there will be a cracking noise and the sudden overwhelming scent of rank goat.
“Better luck next year,” the Non-Denominational Mall Figure says sadly, his eyes trained on something over your shoulder. Turn your head and you’ll see that your naughtiness has attracted another holiday staple: Krampus.
Yes, this hairy, horned devil carries chains and bitch rods, the latter of which he uses to whip the everloving shit out of you if he catches you. You’ll have to outrun him long enough that he gets bored, or find some other way to distract him or pay him off. Maybe there’s a German market set up in the mall somewhere where you could get Krampus to do a Smorgasvein with you?
Ⅲ. WINTER WONDERLAND
As you wander through the mall you will notice that amongst all the holiday decorations a large area on the first floor that was closed last month is now lit up and has a welcome sign standing outside. Whatever could it be?
Perhaps a bigger and better Orange Julius?
No silly! It's an indoor ice skating rink. And as if that isn't cool enough - get it? Cool? - it would seem that for the whole month skate rentals are free. So go on, slap on a pair of skates and take a whirl around the ice rink! Show everyone your fancy moves or just try not to fall on your ass.
Don't feel like skating? That's okay, there are dorky performances happening at noon and 5pm where a group of people dressed up as holiday creatures will skate around in formation and do tricks.
If you’re more mature, at 8pm there's a live jazz band that will play music for the skaters.
There’s plenty of beverages and foods to be sampled from the holiday kiosks that have popped up close to the rink.
Ⅳ. ALL I WANT IS YOU
Cheerful generic holiday music fills the hall as the Christmas celebration hits full swing with a slightly panicked glee. The same rotation of a dozen different carols cycles through, one after the other, hour after hour. There are only a few refuges from the mind numbing music through the mall - that one New Age import shop that hasn’t changed its world music CD in a decade, and Spicy Subject which only plays pop punk covers of carols. Even the bathrooms aren’t safe from that rise and fall of notes that let you know a certain diva is going to tell you that you’re all she wants for Christmas.
Just as the hundredth iteration of the song is about to drive you mad, there’s a tremendous crash. A twenty foot tall Christmas tree that had once been suspended in the middle of the food court has crushed the Pizza Corner and taken out the power source for half the Mall’s sound system in one go. A caped figure escapes along the rafters that once supported the tree in a cloud of heavy fragrance. He pauses only once to bow as banner unfurls. Crude letters have been painted over a previous black Friday announcement: You have been warned: The Phantom!
The crowd begins to murmur and huddle in groups, and if you get nosy there are plenty of rumors. A teen from one of the ear piercing boutiques mentions a ghost story about a Luxuriate employee who got in a terrible accident while mixing bath bombs on site that rendered him permanently aromatic and with a permanent splitting headache that would have killed a lesser person. An older man from the Hotdog Hut pipes up that he disappeared into the labyrinth of hidden hallways that allow employees to navigate the mall for restocking and avoiding the overly aggressive salespeople. Every year the Phantom emerges in an attempt to banish the sky high notes of that ever popular Christmas carol, and every year the people who run the mall put it back in rotation.
Even after the incident with the choir.
A mother with two small children who are more puffy coat than person hushes the hotdog seller. It’s all nonsense of course. Some kind of interactive theater to drive up sales before the holidays. The looks that pass between the other employees, and the signs that the poor twenty-something postgrad working at Pizza Corner might have been crushed say otherwise.
So does the pungent waft of multifloral scent that starts to stalk you through the mall. Apparently, someone’s formed a crush, or are you giving him a terrible headache? What is it about you that you do better than anyone that might be appreciated by this deeply eccentric murder? Or what makes you the most annoying? Either way, it might be good to keep your hand at the level of your eyes because you’re about to be whisked away to the depths of the Mall into the Phantom’s lair.
Come on Jessica, come on Tori! Let's go to the mall, you won't be sorry!
Boy, wasn’t November exciting? How about those Black Friday deals, huh? Hope you’ve had fun camping out in furniture stores! You can of course continue to bunk there, but the High Temple is also open to all Travelers again this month if you’d rather sleep there. Don’t forget to stock up on items that could fit inside your Traveler bag - this is the perfect time to get that fancy moisturizer you’ve been missing, some books, or maybe a copy of the hot new video game Bonestorm!
As December rolls in, you’ll notice that there’s even MORE holiday cheer to be found! Pressing in on all sides of you! Suffocating you! Or maybe you’re one of those people who just lives for carols and huge plastic evergreens decked out in tinsel and lights, in which case you’re going to be thrilled!
There are indeed plenty of those aforementioned trees throughout the mall, alongside wire and light reindeer, glowing stars, and oversized novelty gift boxes. If you have keen eyes you’ll notice that hidden throughout the mall are dozens of small, creepy elves with dead vacant eyes. They don’t do anything. They just… watch.
Who on earth could they be reporting to?
Ⅱ. HE SEES YOU WHEN YOU’RE SLEEPING
At the center of the mall concourse there is now a miniature village set up, themed entirely in ice and snow and candy. At the center of this plastic paradise is a lavishly decorated chair, and in front of it a camera. At times marked clearly on a schedule at the village gate you can wait in line behind a red velvet rope for your turn to see him.Who? Well. That depends.
In many worlds, there is a benevolent figure who appears in December, bearing gifts for all the good children. Santa is the most likely person you’ll find sitting on that big chair, ho-ho-hoing and looking as kind and jolly as any creature possibly could.
Maybe you’re from somewhere without a Santa Claus, but with some other equivalent. In that case, you might see what you’re familiar with instead!
Regardless of his exact form, the figure who beckons you to sit beside him has only one concern: have you been nice?
Niceness is subjective, but if you’ve managed it you will be rewarded. With a twinkle in his eye, the Non-Denominational Mall Figure will reach into his magic bag and pull out a gift, JUST for you! What could it be?!
Oh, and don’t forget to smile for the photo! You may pick it up in half an hour once it is developed.
But if you’ve been naughty, or if you sneak over to that chair during the OFF hours? In that case there will be a cracking noise and the sudden overwhelming scent of rank goat.
“Better luck next year,” the Non-Denominational Mall Figure says sadly, his eyes trained on something over your shoulder. Turn your head and you’ll see that your naughtiness has attracted another holiday staple: Krampus.
Yes, this hairy, horned devil carries chains and bitch rods, the latter of which he uses to whip the everloving shit out of you if he catches you. You’ll have to outrun him long enough that he gets bored, or find some other way to distract him or pay him off. Maybe there’s a German market set up in the mall somewhere where you could get Krampus to do a Smorgasvein with you?
Notes:
1. This month if your character has been nice, they may receive ONE special item! They may only receive this gift once - multiple attempts to see the Non-Denominational Mall Figure will result in Krampus appearing instead.
The special item you may pick for your character can be one of the following:
- one animal companion. This animal can travel with your character from island to island from now on. The only stipulation is that it must be able to fit comfortably on the ferryboat. If your animal is too large, your character can instead get a mini version!
- one carriable item from your character’s homeland. In the case of weapons, this must be something that is not game breaking in terms of power level. (ie: yes, you can get a gun, no you can’t get a gun that explodes the sun.)
- a collection of holiday candies, all of which have magical healing properties.
2. You determine if your character’s actions put them on the Naughty or Nice list
Ⅲ. WINTER WONDERLAND
As you wander through the mall you will notice that amongst all the holiday decorations a large area on the first floor that was closed last month is now lit up and has a welcome sign standing outside. Whatever could it be?
Perhaps a bigger and better Orange Julius?
No silly! It's an indoor ice skating rink. And as if that isn't cool enough - get it? Cool? - it would seem that for the whole month skate rentals are free. So go on, slap on a pair of skates and take a whirl around the ice rink! Show everyone your fancy moves or just try not to fall on your ass. Don't feel like skating? That's okay, there are dorky performances happening at noon and 5pm where a group of people dressed up as holiday creatures will skate around in formation and do tricks.
If you’re more mature, at 8pm there's a live jazz band that will play music for the skaters.
There’s plenty of beverages and foods to be sampled from the holiday kiosks that have popped up close to the rink.
Notes:
1. This is a public ice rink so you will have to share space with people, so if you plan on throwing out a triple lutz or whatever then you might want to make sure you don't hit or slice into anyone with your skates.
Ⅳ. ALL I WANT IS YOU
Cheerful generic holiday music fills the hall as the Christmas celebration hits full swing with a slightly panicked glee. The same rotation of a dozen different carols cycles through, one after the other, hour after hour. There are only a few refuges from the mind numbing music through the mall - that one New Age import shop that hasn’t changed its world music CD in a decade, and Spicy Subject which only plays pop punk covers of carols. Even the bathrooms aren’t safe from that rise and fall of notes that let you know a certain diva is going to tell you that you’re all she wants for Christmas.
Just as the hundredth iteration of the song is about to drive you mad, there’s a tremendous crash. A twenty foot tall Christmas tree that had once been suspended in the middle of the food court has crushed the Pizza Corner and taken out the power source for half the Mall’s sound system in one go. A caped figure escapes along the rafters that once supported the tree in a cloud of heavy fragrance. He pauses only once to bow as banner unfurls. Crude letters have been painted over a previous black Friday announcement: You have been warned: The Phantom!The crowd begins to murmur and huddle in groups, and if you get nosy there are plenty of rumors. A teen from one of the ear piercing boutiques mentions a ghost story about a Luxuriate employee who got in a terrible accident while mixing bath bombs on site that rendered him permanently aromatic and with a permanent splitting headache that would have killed a lesser person. An older man from the Hotdog Hut pipes up that he disappeared into the labyrinth of hidden hallways that allow employees to navigate the mall for restocking and avoiding the overly aggressive salespeople. Every year the Phantom emerges in an attempt to banish the sky high notes of that ever popular Christmas carol, and every year the people who run the mall put it back in rotation.
Even after the incident with the choir.
A mother with two small children who are more puffy coat than person hushes the hotdog seller. It’s all nonsense of course. Some kind of interactive theater to drive up sales before the holidays. The looks that pass between the other employees, and the signs that the poor twenty-something postgrad working at Pizza Corner might have been crushed say otherwise.
So does the pungent waft of multifloral scent that starts to stalk you through the mall. Apparently, someone’s formed a crush, or are you giving him a terrible headache? What is it about you that you do better than anyone that might be appreciated by this deeply eccentric murder? Or what makes you the most annoying? Either way, it might be good to keep your hand at the level of your eyes because you’re about to be whisked away to the depths of the Mall into the Phantom’s lair.
Notes:
1. The Phantom is now more archetype than human. Killing him will probably not solve the issue, but it will make you smell like you’ve been eating bath bombs and drinking essential oils until New Year. Which could be fun.
2. Alternatively, if you agree with him about the music, you can always agree to team up to take out the rest of the sound system.
3. The Phantom has an excellent tenor voice. Just, you know, in case you were wondering.
no subject
"Maybe the T Mobile kiosk can give you a SIM card," he suggests even if he can't imagine whoever fit them with the Scrywatches would allow for any other means of communication.
He leans against Kyle to get a better look at those photos as he flips through them. "What did that say? What are you taking pictures of on this thing? How come you asked for your phone if you can't call anyone?"
no subject
He turns to kiss the side of Quentin's head. "It said 'jizz stain.' I thought it was funny. And I asked for it so I could have my photos and my music, silly. Just think: the next island we're on, even if it's like, the 1970s or an alien planet or whatever, we can listen to makeout music."
He scrolls a bit more then shows Quentin a picture of his brother and himself in front of the Denver museum of nature and science.
"That was me and Ike last year, it was cool. And now I can do this."
He flips on the camera and takes a shot of the two of them.
no subject
"It is funny," he decides with a chuckle. Perhaps it's even more funny to think that Kyle thought it was funny, but whatever the case it seems exactly like the kind of thing that would end up on a college boy's phone. "Did you put it there? Are you an adorably nerdy vandal?" He wants more pictures and more stories and more details from Kyle's life.
"Maybe I should ask them for a bluetooth speaker for better audio quality— hey! I wasn't ready! Do over!"
no subject
He shakes his head. "No, not me. I feel too guilty about ruining people's property."
He snorts but holds the phone out again. "Okay, you say when."
no subject
"And THAT'S why you're a soft boi," he beams at Kyle and plants a lingering smooch on his cheek.
"When," he says, as Quentin strikes a practiced cool face and briefly dons some pink glasses that obscure his eyes. For the gram.
no subject
Kyle takes the photo, then looks at it and snorts. "Mr. Cool," he says. "I'm totally taking candids of you when your guard is down."
no subject
Quentin's self satisfied grin doesn't falter for a minute. Even if Kyle's laughing at him he's still looking at him after all. "As long as your phone never has any bars— that's ok," he smirks.
no subject
Kyle rolls his eyes. "Oh, shut up, you're always adorable. Look, did you wanna go see Mr. Hankey or not?"
no subject
He looks back at the costumed character a long moment, "I don't know what... like... what's his whole deal? What am I supposed to ask him. It's not like Santa right? I don't tell him I've been a good boy and I want a firetruck or whatever. Also, what do I want? Like what should I ask for? Did you ask for that phone or did he just... know?"
no subject
He laughs and nudges Quentin with his shoulder. "Dude, I literally walked up, sat down, and he said, 'Howdy-ho, Kyle! You've been a good boy in spite of what you did in that Crate and Barrel. Have you been getting enough fibre?' And I said, yeah, and he said I could ask for one object from home or I could have something else. So I picked my phone."
He kisses Quentin's cheek. "I think you've been really good, dude. Like, you've done nothing but help me out lately, and you've been getting along with people. I bet you'd get a present."
no subject
no subject
"No. Why?"
no subject
"Ok. Ok. I'll go ask him for a phone. My phone. Wait what kind of phone is yours? If I get the same kind, you know some of them have intra-network messaging."
He takes a deep breath and straightens his shirt. "Not gonna like that costume makes my skin crawl and if he touches me I can't be held responsible for whatever happens out of reflex."
no subject
"Uhm, it's an android..." he pulls up the phone info so Quentin can see which make and model. "I love that you want to text when you can just brain ping me," he teases.
Kyle snorts laughter. "Maybe you'll just get a regular Santa because you weren't a lonely Jew on Christmas growing up. Maybe it's all personalised." He gives Quentin a thumbs-up. "But like, hey. It's just a mall guy, the worst that happens is he says no, you don't get shit."
Kyle, of course, remains completely ignorant of what the naughty kids summon.
no subject
"UGH. I better not be personalized! I'm gonna get a fucking Krampus or something knowing my luck," he gripes. "ok ok! I'm going, I'm going! Cross your fingers and hope Santa didn't look in the Nordstorm." Throwing up his hands he marches off to meet his fate.
The whole place as tacky as Christmas always is. He's never appreciated that particular combination of green and red. Still, he's almost glad to see a big fat man in a red suit rather than the big turd who greet Kyle. At least until he remembers how creepy Santa is too. He smiles reluctantly and takes his seat.
"OK. Look. I know I'm not perfect..." he starts.
no subject
Santa's eyes twinkle with good cheer. Or maybe whiskey. Hard to say.
"Ho ho HO!" he bellows. "That's putting it mildly, Quintavius!"
no subject
"Here's the thing though, Saint Nick. Can I call you Nick? You're all about Naughty or Nice, right? But back in the day, when you first gained legend status. Nice meant, stupid. From the Latin nescius or ignorant. And hey, I know language changes, you don't have to explain evolution to me. But like nice isn't good, you know? Nice matters about as much as the color of my eyes or what someone gets on their SATs. I don't do nice. I know. Smart asshole, or morally righteous jerk has always just seemed, you know. More attainable.
"Anyway. All I'm trying to say is. I haven't been the worst. A phone would be cool. So I can keep tabs on Kyle at least. I know he's ballsy, but like. He's just a human. And this whole magical island thing you've got going on doesn't always have first aid kits lying around, you know?"
no subject
"Quintavius," he says, leaning in a little. He definitely smells a bit of whiskey. "Are you saying that you want a present so that you can do something GOOD for someone who isn't you?"
no subject
"Yes!" He says, "exactly." He should probably leave it at that. He knows he should feel more like he's getting away with something here. But instead this feels a lot more like some kind of confessional. "I mean I'm not trying to argue with you or anything but it's not a wholly selfless act. I like him OK? I like when he's around more than when he's not around. I don't wanna lose him and no small part of that comes from the fact that he makes me personally feel pretty fucking good. This is my problem with moral absolutism. I really don't see the line between selfishness and selflessness. As soon as you put your personal happiness into another person it's complete grey area. But uhm, yes the thing you said too.
Hey, are you drunk?"
no subject
"Santa is just jolly" he replies. "Too jolly for moral absolutism. The question, Quintavius, is do YOU think you deserve to be on Santa's Nice List this year? Be honest now."
no subject
It's not really Santa this argument is made for. And he knows it of course. But if feels good to get these things out. Especially to the kind of guy no one's going to see again for at least another year.
He sighs deeply. "I think you already know, I don't," he says. "So I guess that's my phone huh? Whatever. Not like I've ever counted on anyone's help anyway."
no subject
He shakes his head and reaches into his sack. "You can use your watch to communicate, you know," Santa points out. He pulls a box of candy from the bag and offers it over.
"Ho ho HO!" he chortles. "These heal most hurts, Quintavius. Not of the mind and heart, I'm afraid. That's up to you. Now get out of here before Santa's other half shows up. He loves naughty boys."
no subject
"I'm not good enough, but you know what's best for me, huh? Spare me the lecture. I know all the words to that one," he scoffs.
"You smell like a liquor store bathroom and you look like shit in red, you know? Makes you look ruddy," he says on his way out.
no subject
Kyle, oblivious to drunk Santa and the potential threat of Krampus, is still waiting in the mall concourse on a bench. He's flipping through the photos on hus phone, smiling. When he sees Quentin approaching he stands up and waves.
"Did you get Mr. Hankey?"
no subject
"Just some fat drunk in a fake fur coat. Let's get out of here. It's still happy hour Dave & Buster's. I feel like getting drunk or something."
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