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Happy Holidays
✖ THE MALL
Ⅰ. THE REASON FOR THE SEASON
Boy, wasn’t November exciting? How about those Black Friday deals, huh? Hope you’ve had fun camping out in furniture stores! You can of course continue to bunk there, but the High Temple is also open to all Travelers again this month if you’d rather sleep there. Don’t forget to stock up on items that could fit inside your Traveler bag - this is the perfect time to get that fancy moisturizer you’ve been missing, some books, or maybe a copy of the hot new video game Bonestorm!
As December rolls in, you’ll notice that there’s even MORE holiday cheer to be found! Pressing in on all sides of you! Suffocating you! Or maybe you’re one of those people who just lives for carols and huge plastic evergreens decked out in tinsel and lights, in which case you’re going to be thrilled!
There are indeed plenty of those aforementioned trees throughout the mall, alongside wire and light reindeer, glowing stars, and oversized novelty gift boxes. If you have keen eyes you’ll notice that hidden throughout the mall are dozens of small, creepy elves with dead vacant eyes. They don’t do anything. They just… watch.
Who on earth could they be reporting to?
Ⅱ. HE SEES YOU WHEN YOU’RE SLEEPING
At the center of the mall concourse there is now a miniature village set up, themed entirely in ice and snow and candy. At the center of this plastic paradise is a lavishly decorated chair, and in front of it a camera. At times marked clearly on a schedule at the village gate you can wait in line behind a red velvet rope for your turn to see him.
Who? Well. That depends.
In many worlds, there is a benevolent figure who appears in December, bearing gifts for all the good children. Santa is the most likely person you’ll find sitting on that big chair, ho-ho-hoing and looking as kind and jolly as any creature possibly could.
Maybe you’re from somewhere without a Santa Claus, but with some other equivalent. In that case, you might see what you’re familiar with instead!
Regardless of his exact form, the figure who beckons you to sit beside him has only one concern: have you been nice?
Niceness is subjective, but if you’ve managed it you will be rewarded. With a twinkle in his eye, the Non-Denominational Mall Figure will reach into his magic bag and pull out a gift, JUST for you! What could it be?!
Oh, and don’t forget to smile for the photo! You may pick it up in half an hour once it is developed.
But if you’ve been naughty, or if you sneak over to that chair during the OFF hours? In that case there will be a cracking noise and the sudden overwhelming scent of rank goat.
“Better luck next year,” the Non-Denominational Mall Figure says sadly, his eyes trained on something over your shoulder. Turn your head and you’ll see that your naughtiness has attracted another holiday staple: Krampus.
Yes, this hairy, horned devil carries chains and bitch rods, the latter of which he uses to whip the everloving shit out of you if he catches you. You’ll have to outrun him long enough that he gets bored, or find some other way to distract him or pay him off. Maybe there’s a German market set up in the mall somewhere where you could get Krampus to do a Smorgasvein with you?
Ⅲ. WINTER WONDERLAND
As you wander through the mall you will notice that amongst all the holiday decorations a large area on the first floor that was closed last month is now lit up and has a welcome sign standing outside. Whatever could it be?
Perhaps a bigger and better Orange Julius?
No silly! It's an indoor ice skating rink. And as if that isn't cool enough - get it? Cool? - it would seem that for the whole month skate rentals are free. So go on, slap on a pair of skates and take a whirl around the ice rink! Show everyone your fancy moves or just try not to fall on your ass.
Don't feel like skating? That's okay, there are dorky performances happening at noon and 5pm where a group of people dressed up as holiday creatures will skate around in formation and do tricks.
If you’re more mature, at 8pm there's a live jazz band that will play music for the skaters.
There’s plenty of beverages and foods to be sampled from the holiday kiosks that have popped up close to the rink.
Ⅳ. ALL I WANT IS YOU
Cheerful generic holiday music fills the hall as the Christmas celebration hits full swing with a slightly panicked glee. The same rotation of a dozen different carols cycles through, one after the other, hour after hour. There are only a few refuges from the mind numbing music through the mall - that one New Age import shop that hasn’t changed its world music CD in a decade, and Spicy Subject which only plays pop punk covers of carols. Even the bathrooms aren’t safe from that rise and fall of notes that let you know a certain diva is going to tell you that you’re all she wants for Christmas.
Just as the hundredth iteration of the song is about to drive you mad, there’s a tremendous crash. A twenty foot tall Christmas tree that had once been suspended in the middle of the food court has crushed the Pizza Corner and taken out the power source for half the Mall’s sound system in one go. A caped figure escapes along the rafters that once supported the tree in a cloud of heavy fragrance. He pauses only once to bow as banner unfurls. Crude letters have been painted over a previous black Friday announcement: You have been warned: The Phantom!
The crowd begins to murmur and huddle in groups, and if you get nosy there are plenty of rumors. A teen from one of the ear piercing boutiques mentions a ghost story about a Luxuriate employee who got in a terrible accident while mixing bath bombs on site that rendered him permanently aromatic and with a permanent splitting headache that would have killed a lesser person. An older man from the Hotdog Hut pipes up that he disappeared into the labyrinth of hidden hallways that allow employees to navigate the mall for restocking and avoiding the overly aggressive salespeople. Every year the Phantom emerges in an attempt to banish the sky high notes of that ever popular Christmas carol, and every year the people who run the mall put it back in rotation.
Even after the incident with the choir.
A mother with two small children who are more puffy coat than person hushes the hotdog seller. It’s all nonsense of course. Some kind of interactive theater to drive up sales before the holidays. The looks that pass between the other employees, and the signs that the poor twenty-something postgrad working at Pizza Corner might have been crushed say otherwise.
So does the pungent waft of multifloral scent that starts to stalk you through the mall. Apparently, someone’s formed a crush, or are you giving him a terrible headache? What is it about you that you do better than anyone that might be appreciated by this deeply eccentric murder? Or what makes you the most annoying? Either way, it might be good to keep your hand at the level of your eyes because you’re about to be whisked away to the depths of the Mall into the Phantom’s lair.
Come on Jessica, come on Tori! Let's go to the mall, you won't be sorry!
Boy, wasn’t November exciting? How about those Black Friday deals, huh? Hope you’ve had fun camping out in furniture stores! You can of course continue to bunk there, but the High Temple is also open to all Travelers again this month if you’d rather sleep there. Don’t forget to stock up on items that could fit inside your Traveler bag - this is the perfect time to get that fancy moisturizer you’ve been missing, some books, or maybe a copy of the hot new video game Bonestorm!
As December rolls in, you’ll notice that there’s even MORE holiday cheer to be found! Pressing in on all sides of you! Suffocating you! Or maybe you’re one of those people who just lives for carols and huge plastic evergreens decked out in tinsel and lights, in which case you’re going to be thrilled!
There are indeed plenty of those aforementioned trees throughout the mall, alongside wire and light reindeer, glowing stars, and oversized novelty gift boxes. If you have keen eyes you’ll notice that hidden throughout the mall are dozens of small, creepy elves with dead vacant eyes. They don’t do anything. They just… watch.
Who on earth could they be reporting to?
Ⅱ. HE SEES YOU WHEN YOU’RE SLEEPING
At the center of the mall concourse there is now a miniature village set up, themed entirely in ice and snow and candy. At the center of this plastic paradise is a lavishly decorated chair, and in front of it a camera. At times marked clearly on a schedule at the village gate you can wait in line behind a red velvet rope for your turn to see him.Who? Well. That depends.
In many worlds, there is a benevolent figure who appears in December, bearing gifts for all the good children. Santa is the most likely person you’ll find sitting on that big chair, ho-ho-hoing and looking as kind and jolly as any creature possibly could.
Maybe you’re from somewhere without a Santa Claus, but with some other equivalent. In that case, you might see what you’re familiar with instead!
Regardless of his exact form, the figure who beckons you to sit beside him has only one concern: have you been nice?
Niceness is subjective, but if you’ve managed it you will be rewarded. With a twinkle in his eye, the Non-Denominational Mall Figure will reach into his magic bag and pull out a gift, JUST for you! What could it be?!
Oh, and don’t forget to smile for the photo! You may pick it up in half an hour once it is developed.
But if you’ve been naughty, or if you sneak over to that chair during the OFF hours? In that case there will be a cracking noise and the sudden overwhelming scent of rank goat.
“Better luck next year,” the Non-Denominational Mall Figure says sadly, his eyes trained on something over your shoulder. Turn your head and you’ll see that your naughtiness has attracted another holiday staple: Krampus.
Yes, this hairy, horned devil carries chains and bitch rods, the latter of which he uses to whip the everloving shit out of you if he catches you. You’ll have to outrun him long enough that he gets bored, or find some other way to distract him or pay him off. Maybe there’s a German market set up in the mall somewhere where you could get Krampus to do a Smorgasvein with you?
Notes:
1. This month if your character has been nice, they may receive ONE special item! They may only receive this gift once - multiple attempts to see the Non-Denominational Mall Figure will result in Krampus appearing instead.
The special item you may pick for your character can be one of the following:
- one animal companion. This animal can travel with your character from island to island from now on. The only stipulation is that it must be able to fit comfortably on the ferryboat. If your animal is too large, your character can instead get a mini version!
- one carriable item from your character’s homeland. In the case of weapons, this must be something that is not game breaking in terms of power level. (ie: yes, you can get a gun, no you can’t get a gun that explodes the sun.)
- a collection of holiday candies, all of which have magical healing properties.
2. You determine if your character’s actions put them on the Naughty or Nice list
Ⅲ. WINTER WONDERLAND
As you wander through the mall you will notice that amongst all the holiday decorations a large area on the first floor that was closed last month is now lit up and has a welcome sign standing outside. Whatever could it be?
Perhaps a bigger and better Orange Julius?
No silly! It's an indoor ice skating rink. And as if that isn't cool enough - get it? Cool? - it would seem that for the whole month skate rentals are free. So go on, slap on a pair of skates and take a whirl around the ice rink! Show everyone your fancy moves or just try not to fall on your ass. Don't feel like skating? That's okay, there are dorky performances happening at noon and 5pm where a group of people dressed up as holiday creatures will skate around in formation and do tricks.
If you’re more mature, at 8pm there's a live jazz band that will play music for the skaters.
There’s plenty of beverages and foods to be sampled from the holiday kiosks that have popped up close to the rink.
Notes:
1. This is a public ice rink so you will have to share space with people, so if you plan on throwing out a triple lutz or whatever then you might want to make sure you don't hit or slice into anyone with your skates.
Ⅳ. ALL I WANT IS YOU
Cheerful generic holiday music fills the hall as the Christmas celebration hits full swing with a slightly panicked glee. The same rotation of a dozen different carols cycles through, one after the other, hour after hour. There are only a few refuges from the mind numbing music through the mall - that one New Age import shop that hasn’t changed its world music CD in a decade, and Spicy Subject which only plays pop punk covers of carols. Even the bathrooms aren’t safe from that rise and fall of notes that let you know a certain diva is going to tell you that you’re all she wants for Christmas.
Just as the hundredth iteration of the song is about to drive you mad, there’s a tremendous crash. A twenty foot tall Christmas tree that had once been suspended in the middle of the food court has crushed the Pizza Corner and taken out the power source for half the Mall’s sound system in one go. A caped figure escapes along the rafters that once supported the tree in a cloud of heavy fragrance. He pauses only once to bow as banner unfurls. Crude letters have been painted over a previous black Friday announcement: You have been warned: The Phantom!The crowd begins to murmur and huddle in groups, and if you get nosy there are plenty of rumors. A teen from one of the ear piercing boutiques mentions a ghost story about a Luxuriate employee who got in a terrible accident while mixing bath bombs on site that rendered him permanently aromatic and with a permanent splitting headache that would have killed a lesser person. An older man from the Hotdog Hut pipes up that he disappeared into the labyrinth of hidden hallways that allow employees to navigate the mall for restocking and avoiding the overly aggressive salespeople. Every year the Phantom emerges in an attempt to banish the sky high notes of that ever popular Christmas carol, and every year the people who run the mall put it back in rotation.
Even after the incident with the choir.
A mother with two small children who are more puffy coat than person hushes the hotdog seller. It’s all nonsense of course. Some kind of interactive theater to drive up sales before the holidays. The looks that pass between the other employees, and the signs that the poor twenty-something postgrad working at Pizza Corner might have been crushed say otherwise.
So does the pungent waft of multifloral scent that starts to stalk you through the mall. Apparently, someone’s formed a crush, or are you giving him a terrible headache? What is it about you that you do better than anyone that might be appreciated by this deeply eccentric murder? Or what makes you the most annoying? Either way, it might be good to keep your hand at the level of your eyes because you’re about to be whisked away to the depths of the Mall into the Phantom’s lair.
Notes:
1. The Phantom is now more archetype than human. Killing him will probably not solve the issue, but it will make you smell like you’ve been eating bath bombs and drinking essential oils until New Year. Which could be fun.
2. Alternatively, if you agree with him about the music, you can always agree to team up to take out the rest of the sound system.
3. The Phantom has an excellent tenor voice. Just, you know, in case you were wondering.
no subject
Then he's rolling his eyes. "Matching. Pajamas. Look, I can believe that you're not fucking, but you're 100% an old married couple. I bet you know each other's breakfast orders and if we had TV you'd settle in to watch your stories together every night.
"And I'm cuddling you right now!"
no subject
When David nudges him with his heel he smiles and begins to massage his foot, because that's what married couples do...
"And we wouldn't watch stories, we would watch jazz concerts."
no subject
Oh dear a foot massage. David groans in delight at the contact. Even if he doesn't know what Carter failing to agree about the kiss thing means. Probably nothing. Stupid smart people think too much.
"I don't know if Carter even likes breakfast, and I don't watch television much at all. Though yeah, jazz bros."
no subject
Kyle rolls his eyes again. "So married. Whatever, I bet you at least know one another's Starbucks orders." He's not going to point out that he himself knows what both of them like. "Jazz is... fine. It's no Qveen Herby." He takes another bite of his pretzel, free hand still petting David.
"Look at you, you're like a king here."
no subject
"I have no idea who Qveen Herby is. Are they a singer?" He asks, honestly curious.
no subject
Kyle earns a pinch for that. A gentle one but he still gets it in his thigh.
"Don't worry, Carter. We know that Kyle has eccentric tastes. We'll be the mature adults in this friendship. And if you stop with that massage I'll find someone else to snuggle up with to sleep."
Which he might do anyway. Well, if he was allowed. He probably would owe Hawks that if he asked. Which he wouldn't. Clearly. And that was a whole other thought out he dismissed.
"Carter declared himself a basic bitch while drinking hot cocoa while we were listening to jazz. But I have no clue if he drinks coffee. I don't use my mutant ability on him. Hell, couldn't get through his shields if he's for real training with Quentin now. So really the married thing is clearly a lie. He's just another of my wealth of platonic friend-spouses or whatever. Like Josh."
Kyle knows David's history with Josh. Carter knows David's history with Josh. So he sighs and raises a hand to wave away implications.
"Without the sexual tension."
no subject
"Eccentric?! I have totally normal modern taste! It's not my fault you're all classy and Carter's musical taste traveled here from thirty years ago!" He shakes his head.
"Whatever. You're married. Sex or no sex."
no subject
"And for the record I usually just drink regular coffee, black." He says and then lifts an eyebrow at Kyle.
"But speaking of SEX, I'm going to assume you and Quentin are being safe and everything right? I wouldn't normally ask but I ran into Roxy at the drug store and she was buying a crate of condoms which reminded me to mention it to you in case you needed to do the same."
no subject
Yes David invented a concept. Fight him. He doesn't want Carter to feel weird. Not that he thinks the guy would.
"I like high quality coffees with a nutty after taste and a hint of earthy notes. I'm a coffee snob. I wouldn't order at a Starbucks unless it's for a frou-frou drink."
Which he will absolutely enjoy.
"Roxy's doing Deadpool. All heart eyes for him. She'll need the whole crate. But I imagine that is for reasons other than stds. That's pure contraceptive edge. Kyle doesn't need to worry his little bottom self over that. Unless there is something we don't know? But it also wouldn't be our business to ask Carter."
no subject
Kyle shakes his head again. "Broship. Yeah. I've had that." Boy, has he.
"Yeah, you're a frappuccino guy."
Kyle then goes about twelve different shades of red. "Carter! David!" He sputters for a few seconds, trying to figure out what to deal with first.
"Okay, ONE: why do you think I'm a bottom?!
Two: I don't need condoms, I'm clean. I already told him about my HIV thing.
Three: no really, why am I the bottom?! Not that I dislike it I just wanna know! Q is the twinky looking one!"
damn it DW, stop eating my replies!!
He looks back at Kyle and smiles, "And I'm only mentioning it in case we wind up on an island with like...mutant dick spores or something, or if you guys wanna do oral but one of you have a cold sore. Nursing student remember? I plan on stocking up even though I'm not getting, I was also thinking of putting together a little medical kit in case someone gets hurt like I did."
Re: damn it DW, stop eating my replies!!
But he raises an eyebrow at Carter. What was with that comment. Which part?
"Kyle, you have sheer bottom energy. And Quire may be twink in form, but he is twunk in spirit and screams top energy. It's okay to admit it. But you also don't have to."
Still, Carter's other point is good.
"Get condoms. He's not wrong on that point. As a doctor, I absolutely approve of my handsome nurse's prescription. I give him full authority in these matters. So I don't have to think about Quentin's dick."
cw: just saucy conversation
Kyle has decided the important part of this discussion is his apparent energy. "Why do I have bottom energy?! I can top! I like topping! I fucked him all over Crate and Barrel and you're going to say I don't come across as assertive enough or something?!" Oh, God.
He returns his focus to Carter sighs. "Fine, yes, I'll bring condoms to the next island along with the other stuff."
He looks back at David and smiles sweetly. "It's genetically designed to be perfect. Think about THAT."
cw: saucy conversation
He then looks vaguely disturbed at the idea of Kyle and Quentin having sex all over the Crate and Barrel because ew you guys, people still shop in there during the day and don't want fluids on their $100 throw pillows.
Re: cw: saucy conversation
"First, I'm with the disturbed look on Carter's face. People have been sleeping there. People shop there. Go find somewhere abandoned like a reasonable person. Second, anyone who gets and happy allows themselves to be, Princess carried definitely has bottom energy. And that is all I will say other than the fact that having your DNA altered for pink pubes in certain pre-manscaped patterns isn't the same as Josh putting up with specific size and shape requests."
God help him if it was.
cw: saucy conversation
"Nobody was there, and I cleaned or got rid of stuff! I'm not DEPRAVED, fuck!"
He tucks his hands into his armpits and sulks. "He doesn't have any body hair," he mutters. "And I guess your buddy and the other four are more indulgent than you."
cw: saucy conversation
"Please?"
Re: cw: saucy conversation
"Of course we can stop, my most benevolent advisor. I would never wish to earn enough ire to lose the skill of your foot rubs. Seriously, man, you have a gift. My feet have been horridly sore."
See, different conversation.
"So, first rule of slumber party is no creepy elf dolls. So if you see one, tell me. I'll see about getting rid of it."
no subject
"Whatever," he mutters. "I'll remember not to burden you with the knowledge of my romantic life. I'll just talk to Roxy." He does actually feel bad about it, and now he's hideously embarrassed. He should have known better than to say anything.
"They really are fucking everywhere," he says. "I don't get why it's a thing."
no subject
"I keep expecting to see them in the toilets." Carter offers, "Just in one of the stalls or at the urinals. Staring at me."
no subject
Which of course means less good contact but hey, he can't hog the Kyle. Carter needs Kyle time too.
"I hate the elf on a shelf stuff. Then again in a world with ONE monitoring mutants while we were in highschool, got tired of accepted surveillance as part of life."
no subject
"What in the fuck is the elf on the shelf?" he asks before some memory twigs.
"OHHHhhhh wait, isn't that like... I thought it was a commercial or something? People really buy those? What the fuck? You know, every one in a while I'm seriously glad I'm Jewish at Christmas."
no subject
He then looks at Kyle and smiles, "Do you want us to try and help you find some Hanukkah stuff in the mall so you can still celebrate it? Or does this not really count because it's an island and not the actual date?"
no subject
Why did Christians have to equate the two just because they took place at the same time of year? Which was only a very rough ‘same time of year’.
“And yeah, Carter. After M-Day people claimed they wanted to ‘protect’ the surviving mutants. We were more or less mostly gathered into one of two places: the neighborhood that Madrox’s X-Factor was centered in and they protected, and the mansion. A separate governmental organization ‘watched over’ us after the Purifiers came for the school. The Office of National Emergency. ONE. They had Sentinels Carter. They had Sentinels at the school, claiming to protect us. Granted one of the pilots wasn’t so bad because he came into Limbo to help save us from Belasco, but there were fucking Sentinels.”
Which was something that David was still very angry about. Thank you very much.
no subject
He looks at Carter. "It's okay, it's already like mostly over if I'm keeping track of my dates right. Gets a little confusing, you're right. But thanks."
As often happens when his mutant friends talk, Kyle must listens. Their world is so different to his own. Sometimes it sounds awesome and other times, like now, it sounds like a dystopia.
"That's the big robots, right?"
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