"Look, that Green Lantern movie was really rough on me alright? I mean, why would I do that? Why would I let DC own my destiny for so many years instead of doing my true destiny, a Deadpool movie? Deadpool is by far the vastly superior character. I mean, what other character could make the leap from the sinking Fox ship to the Disnified MCU? NO ONE, that's who. And I, I mean Deadpool, did that at his most rated R, which is usually a big no-no for the Mouse but you can't argue with the Benjamins. I made the leap, but you know who didn't? Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. That's right. I'm better than even that loser."

(Hugh Jackman chose to retire, you dipshit.)

It's okay Kyle, what is time anyway? Deadpool whips out a bottle of Aviation from a convenient pouch. How does a fancy party suit have a bajillion pouches? Contracts, my friend. Deadpool is contractually obligated to have pouches. It's a thing.

"I seriously do." He also pulls out a few glasses from another pouch. "Glasses too. Let's get wasted and forget about zombies and psychos on the beach."

(Never mind that he thinks YOU are the psycho.)

"Gin fixes all things. Especially Aviation gin. Statistically the best gin if you run the numbers right."

In the background Jeff the Land Shark is leaping on a zombie and taking it down with much chomping.