Elena, you know why I didn't want to take the Malaysia job. [ At the time, he'd really meant it. He was okay with it, even. Well, mostly. ] I really was done with all of this. [ He sucks in a breath, adding quickly: ] I wanted to be.
[ Well, sure, he knows how ridiculous it sounds, he knows how stupid he’s being — how stupid he's been. But filled with the guilt of having to weigh his options between a life-long debt owed to his estranged and formerly dead older and the completely separate life he'd found for himself in the normalcy of what he'd chosen with Elena, not for the first time Nate hadn't thought the whole thing through, didn't think that one thing didn't actually have to be mutually exclusive from the other. He panicked.
Of course it would take some explaining. Hell, a lot of explaining. And somehow it seemed so much easier to put everything with Sam attached to it in a locked box that firmly belonged in his past. Elena didn't know about any of it, and maybe she didn't have to. To revisit all of that history with her ... Christ, it was easier at that moment to assume he could 'deal with it' quickly (and to be fair, he'd really thought that the job would take a couple weeks, something he could keep in that same locked box and no one would have to know; he'd been so profoundly stupid) and then figure out the right way to introduce his brother to her. You know: 'hi honey, so a funny thing happened ... anyway, meet my long-lost older brother Sam.'
But things have a way of never going the way you want them to, right, and now he's here— worlds away from home, at a masquerade ball in the 1920s having the inevitable conversation he'd been trying to avoid all along.
His heart sinks now, however, hearing those words, landing somewhere in his stomach like an iron stone.
You don't think you're going to lose me now? ]
I screwed up. You deserve the truth — late as it is. [ And he hates that it's really only because he’d been cornered into it. God, she really did deserve better.
Is he going to lose her now? Well, it's up to her, isn't it? ] I'm sorry.
yeAH i love them so much ;; they really bring nate and elena to life; anyway sorry for this
[ Well, sure, he knows how ridiculous it sounds, he knows how stupid he’s being — how stupid he's been. But filled with the guilt of having to weigh his options between a life-long debt owed to his estranged and formerly dead older and the completely separate life he'd found for himself in the normalcy of what he'd chosen with Elena, not for the first time Nate hadn't thought the whole thing through, didn't think that one thing didn't actually have to be mutually exclusive from the other. He panicked.
Of course it would take some explaining. Hell, a lot of explaining. And somehow it seemed so much easier to put everything with Sam attached to it in a locked box that firmly belonged in his past. Elena didn't know about any of it, and maybe she didn't have to. To revisit all of that history with her ... Christ, it was easier at that moment to assume he could 'deal with it' quickly (and to be fair, he'd really thought that the job would take a couple weeks, something he could keep in that same locked box and no one would have to know; he'd been so profoundly stupid) and then figure out the right way to introduce his brother to her. You know: 'hi honey, so a funny thing happened ... anyway, meet my long-lost older brother Sam.'
But things have a way of never going the way you want them to, right, and now he's here— worlds away from home, at a masquerade ball in the 1920s having the inevitable conversation he'd been trying to avoid all along.
His heart sinks now, however, hearing those words, landing somewhere in his stomach like an iron stone.
You don't think you're going to lose me now? ]
I screwed up. You deserve the truth — late as it is. [ And he hates that it's really only because he’d been cornered into it. God, she really did deserve better.
Is he going to lose her now? Well, it's up to her, isn't it? ] I'm sorry.