catlady: (Default)
Selina Kyle ([personal profile] catlady) wrote in [community profile] polylogs 2021-05-08 06:43 am (UTC)

[ he's right. he's always right and she hates that he's always right. she's not foolish enough to believe that failing to play by the rules is without punishment, it's just that he's changed her priorities. she wouldn't have minded the consequences quite so much -- fuck what anyone else think.

having him stand this close to her, she can't help but try to map out the details of the face so much more familiar to her over the face of this bruce wayne to play spot the differences. he seems so familiar to her and selina can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing. it isn't ideal, but they've always worked well together and maybe it's better he's here than not at all. ]


I left. I... I don't know, I got cold feet. [ it takes her a long moment to get something out and this is a box she's more than content to keep closed and pack it away some place where she can ignore it even exists. it's easier to let him think what he wants, isn't it? to just let it be? it's over, now. it's in the past. she came back. once it starts, though, it sort of all comes out so he's just gonna have to shut up for a little bit and let her fucking get her shit out, okay?? ] I came back. I did, I... I couldn't help but come back. It's just that things started to feel too real. We've been on and off and on and off again so many times, but we'd never been that close. We'd never lived together and at this point we'd been living together for about a year and everything just felt so... I could see it. I could see myself living in that great, big house and being apart of this family that he's gathered around him. I could see us doing the holidays with Clark Kent and Lois Lane and it just terrified me. I had something to lose if this all went bad. I didn't just have Bruce to lose, I had this whole life I never thought was possible, and... what if I never change? What if, one day, he realized that I was a lost cause? What if I became an inconvenience? What if I didn't fit in with his little super friends? I mean, my father treated me like a stranger in his home and my own mother struggled to love me, so what's to say there isn't something just fundamentally wrong with me? Maybe I'm just rotten through and through.

I don't know how to trust myself. I don't know how to trust the idea of being happy. I don't even really think I know the first thing about love but somehow, when I look at him... when I look at you... I don't know how to do anything but love you. So. You can see my problem here.

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