Santa listens, his nose (and eyes) a little red. "We all judge ourselves at some point," he says. "The trick is maintaining some level of objectivity. An ego out of balance can manifest as thinking you're the best, OR the absolute worst."

He shakes his head and reaches into his sack. "You can use your watch to communicate, you know," Santa points out. He pulls a box of candy from the bag and offers it over.

"Ho ho HO!" he chortles. "These heal most hurts, Quintavius. Not of the mind and heart, I'm afraid. That's up to you. Now get out of here before Santa's other half shows up. He loves naughty boys."