"Like, according to what?! Me? The same people who are so quick to proclaim me fit to judge myself are the ones who tell me not to judge anyone else. Which is it? Am I fit to deliver judgement or not!?"

It's not really Santa this argument is made for. And he knows it of course. But if feels good to get these things out. Especially to the kind of guy no one's going to see again for at least another year.

He sighs deeply. "I think you already know, I don't," he says. "So I guess that's my phone huh? Whatever. Not like I've ever counted on anyone's help anyway."