"Of course we don't need this much shit. Capitalism isn't about need," he says flippantly. "I'm just feeling a little starved for choice, ok?"

He'll be the first to admit anything the mall has to offer isn't exactly the pinnacle of Western culture, but there's an undeniable kitschiness to it all that makes him feel far more at home than rose gardens and caravans.

"Like is a strong word," he says wrinkling his nose a cheaply made blazer. "What do you think the odds are this place has any fashion outlets? I'm going to need something a little Alexander McQueen to offset these HotTopic vibes..."