"You don't understand." His voice takes on a pleading note, as if by wanting it hard enough he could make it happen. Her understanding. Her forgiveness?
He feels the loss when she slips away from him, and he knows immediately that the gulf between them that's suddenly opened wide needs to be bridged, and fast. The coil of desire tightens in his stomach, pooling there even as it cools.
"Those protocols were installed in me for undercover work- if the need ever arose, I would be able to fulfill whatever might be requested of me in order to further the goals of accomplishing my mission. They were never supposed to be used because of my own want." He squeezes Chloe's hand, his thumb stroking the back of it. "I was programmed for sex, but I wasn't programmed for any of the feelings that might arise from it." He blows out another breath, frustrated at his inability to articulate an explanation. "What I mean is, I- I want to. I want you. But not yet. Not right now, not so soon. And- And I don't want you to think that that's all I want from you. Not after Kamski. Not after how he treated you. And I'm sorry that I couldn't control myself, because I don't want you to ever think that you're just initiating my protocols, that you could be just anybody. Because that's not true. You mean more than that to me, so much more. I'm sorry if my reaction made you feel differently, I didn't mean it. I couldn't control it. I've never been in a situation where the protocols came online before."
His eyes are shining wet beneath his lashes, so afraid that he's ruined his relationship with Chloe, the friendship they've worked so carefully to construct together. He can practically see the cracks forming in the foundation, threatening to destabilize the whole structure, and no matter how desperately he wants to hold onto it, he knows that pressure will only make it crumble faster. He's not like Kamski, he isn't. He doesn't want to be. Could she ever possibly forgive him for making her feel like this is her fault?
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He feels the loss when she slips away from him, and he knows immediately that the gulf between them that's suddenly opened wide needs to be bridged, and fast. The coil of desire tightens in his stomach, pooling there even as it cools.
"Those protocols were installed in me for undercover work- if the need ever arose, I would be able to fulfill whatever might be requested of me in order to further the goals of accomplishing my mission. They were never supposed to be used because of my own want." He squeezes Chloe's hand, his thumb stroking the back of it. "I was programmed for sex, but I wasn't programmed for any of the feelings that might arise from it." He blows out another breath, frustrated at his inability to articulate an explanation. "What I mean is, I- I want to. I want you. But not yet. Not right now, not so soon. And- And I don't want you to think that that's all I want from you. Not after Kamski. Not after how he treated you. And I'm sorry that I couldn't control myself, because I don't want you to ever think that you're just initiating my protocols, that you could be just anybody. Because that's not true. You mean more than that to me, so much more. I'm sorry if my reaction made you feel differently, I didn't mean it. I couldn't control it. I've never been in a situation where the protocols came online before."
His eyes are shining wet beneath his lashes, so afraid that he's ruined his relationship with Chloe, the friendship they've worked so carefully to construct together. He can practically see the cracks forming in the foundation, threatening to destabilize the whole structure, and no matter how desperately he wants to hold onto it, he knows that pressure will only make it crumble faster. He's not like Kamski, he isn't. He doesn't want to be. Could she ever possibly forgive him for making her feel like this is her fault?